What nobody needs to know...



But here I am, choking on my words, choking on adorable, as I compulsivly write them again and again. I never seem to say anyhing new. What I say never seems to help. It doesn't make anything better, and i don't feel relieved to have shared my words with my love; the computer. But I keep on doing it. keep on choking, and keep on getting disappointed that nor this time, or any other time did my writing, my words, make me rise to the sky on small light clouds relived from the heavy rain they unwillingly have been carrying around, by force of nature.



Today I had planned yet another "hello dear love, i miss you why did you have to go"-piece, but I sat down trying to form the sentences of glorified memories, and realised that I can't do it any more. I guess I'm giving up. I guess this is my final way of telling myself that it's about time I accept that easy comes, easy goes. But I've got the images inside my head. They are really all I ever wanted. Images put together to wonderful memories. That beats the trouble of having to deal with people.



I made an attempt to adapt to what I though was better. I tried to reach the greener grass on the other side of the lawn. I tried and tried and even though every attempt failed I kept on trying. There's really not anything else I can do. I have fiction, a pocket full of things, not even I am sure are real. Life can take a life in a blink of a second. Life can take a circumstances, tear it to shreds and throw it away. But I've got something here, inside of me. At this point, al I can do, is be thankful for that. They can't take that away from me.